The Bluffer's Guide to Social Media by Susie Boniface
Author:Susie Boniface
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bluffer's Guides
âI never expected all these cats.â
Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the World Wide Web
SOCIAL MEDIA? LOL
Luckily for us all, the internet is not filled with lawyers. Theyâre just there trying to keep a check on things, and often make a total hash of it because they have no idea what âfunnyâ is.
Rather, the internet is filled with cats. And people pretending to be their cat. And techno-geeks thinking of new ways to make videos of cats who look like theyâre dancing, Hitler, or just grumpy.
The good bluffer knows that there are three basic types of people online, and rules for dealing with them:
1. PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SUE SOMEONE
This is the simplest of the three categories, and covers lawyers, litigious types, thin-skinned billionaires and vengeful sorts.
RULE Do not engage with these people.
Itâs rarely worth it. Lawyers donât hand out free legal advice, litigious types sue at the drop of a hat, thin-skinned billionaires donât even wait for the hat to drop and vengeful types are simply insane. Youâd avoid them in real life â avoid them on social media, wherever possible. The likelihood of getting into serious trouble if you do not is very high.
The only exception to this rule is if you âdo a Spartacusâ and need a social media-savvy lawyer/handy celebrity to argue your case.
2. PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED
This is the second easiest category of people to keep happy online.
RULE Be entertaining.
You donât have to pirouette naked on roller skates in a viral YouTube video, but they wonât mind if you do. Half of them will clap wildly, 40 per cent will think a cat would be funnier, and 10 per cent will bother to write a comment criticising your technique. It doesnât matter; whether they loved it or hated it, they were entertained for a few brief moments.
Perhaps roller-skatingâs not your thing. Fine, so be entertaining in terms of the information you impart, the pictures you can take, the music you share. The boredom thresholds of people in this category are so low theyâre close to the Earthâs core, so even if youâre not a natural entertainer, they wonât be paying attention to you for long. A quick bit of TA DA! and theyâll leave you alone.
3. PEOPLE WHO THINK THEYâRE FUNNY
This is the trickiest category. Most are woefully lacking in the main ingredients, and one or two really are frustrated stand-up comedians who just missed their lucky break. Itâs tricky in exactly the same way itâs tricky to deal with these people in real life, in that natural-born comedians are by nature vain, egotistical, selfish manic depressives with a self-abuse complex.
RULE Tread carefully, for you tread on their dreams.
When a bluffer meets someone online who thinks theyâre funny, there are several options available:
a) Laugh. Really only do this if theyâre genuinely funny, or youâll never be shot of them. In fact, even if theyâre genuinely funny, theyâll love you forever if you laugh at their jokes, so youâll never be shot of them anyway. But still, if itâs a good joke, let them know.
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